One potential misconception of coaching is that it is just all about encouraging people to look inside themselves for the answers to their problems or to reach their goal.
It is an understandable mistake. Coaching guru Nancy Kline says “the brain that contains the problem probably also contains the solution.” This can sound like we just need to encourage people to look deep inside to fix things. So, is this the case? Does coaching assume that people have everything they need for success and, with support, can achieve anything they want, sounding like some kind of self-help manual?
I don’t think so. Or, at least, it is a little more nuanced.
Nancy Kline is encouraging coaches to listen well and deeply; to avoid giving well-intentioned but potentially misguided advice. She encourages us to value and respect the problems and goals that people bring and recognise that they are the experts in their own situation, not us. The brilliant Michael Bungay Stanier agrees with this sentiment in his book ‘The Coaching Habit’ where he reminds us that our advice is not as good as we think it is. Now I don’t know about you, but I have amazing advice to dispense. My first instinct on hearing someone’s situation is frequently to think that I – and possibly I alone – have the answer! Coaching has taught me that this is not true. My solution often comes without understanding the big picture, or the person’s values or often what the real issue is, and is often very flawed.
Taking time to listen with intent, being curious and silent to allow someone to think deeply in coaching helps people to challenge their assumptions, consider their options, imagine the future and evaluate their emotions.
Let’s consider part of the fallacy of finding the ‘answer’ within. Life is complex. There are many things outside of our control, at work, at home and certainly in the big wide world. Coaching isn’t about finding this mythical ‘answer’, but it is often about formulating the next step on the journey, possibly even a tiptoe tiny step.
Rather than only looking deep inside, coaching can help people to consider where they need help or support from others, the resources they need and what may be out of their control completely.
In fact, the very act of receiving coaching is looking outside of ourselves for support and direction. Coaching enables thought and action that may not have been possible without the presence of the coach.
But, according to Kline and Bungay Stanier, the person in the situation, living with the problem, is more likely to find the solution, and a good solution, than someone dropping advice bombs from above. This doesn’t mean they can solve everything themselves, that they just need to try harder or that introspection is a silver bullet. There’s nuance in this business.